First tears for pain in a long time…11/8/11
Well I spent half the day in the Auckland Hospital today as a result of severe abdominal pains. I couldnt move. I couldnt lie down, bend over, stretch out, pick up Jackson, breath deeply, cough….it’s pretty bad. So after 48hrs of it not subsiding and eventually seeing my lips turn blue, I gave in and went straight to Acute Oncology. Before I left there were tears as I described my pain to the doctors on the phone. Poor Jackson couldnt stop saying “are you ok mummy, are you sad, are you ok. Cuddle? Kiss??” So adorable.
They were awesome when I got there. But after 3 x-rays, they found nothing. It could be any of 3 or 4 things. 1. trapped air/gas. 2. A virus or 3. The cancer could have spread onto the outer lining of my stomach causing inflammation and therefore pain as it presses on surrounding organs. 4. The cancer in my liver is inflammed and pressing on my stomach/large intestine.
All i know is it feels like a knife is in me and if I move it feels like someone is turning it. I got doped up with lots of morphine but it didn’t help, it only made me sleepy.
Im now back home again with a huge bag full of drugs including morphine, steroids and anti-nausea - oh and a fair bit of laxatives too just in case. I’ll be honest, dont plan on using any of it. Don’t believe the morphine helps and Idon’t believe im just constipated.
Im ok, Im better sitting up and Im fine lying down as long as its on my back and I dont move. Joy. On top of this Jackson is sick with a bad cold, temp and diarrhoea so he is super needy and wanting cuddles and I cant even pick him up. So hard. Poor little guy! =(
Hopefully it will pass. Im sure it will. Abdominal stuff is so frustrating. They often cant find the cause and you are left to just hope its nothing serious or find out the hard way that it is. They were great to me though and I didnt have that feeling of wanting to run out the door like I usually do so that was nice. I really missed Jackson though and couldnt wait to see him when I got home…only to have him run past me and to Grandad LOL! I got a cuddle eventually =)
I know I sound down and I guess thats normal when you are in pain. But dont worry about me, I always bounce back. Im a tough nut!
I have more news though….see my next post….
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