Time to get my ‘things’ in order…

Yes its 245am Saturday 4th Dec and Im awake but thats the norm lately. Insomnia is a b*tch.

Sadly I have more bad news to share. This afternoon I finally found the courage to call my oncologist and get his views on my CT Scan results after putting it of for 4 days. To get straight to the point, he says I have anything from 2-8weeks!! Average being 6-8weeks for someone at my point of things.

Basically there is not much left of my liver functioning at all (they didnt give me any tumor measurements this time, its just one big blob throughout both lobes and growing mets on my spine which is whats causing all this pain. I asked him what to expect. Pain/time etc. He said the first sign of it shutting down is Jaundice and Bilirubin present (for which I had black pee once last week). Im not overly Jaundice yet, just a little, but the bilirubin is why Mike felt the ball has started rolling and 6-8 weeks is the average. Some go quickly over 2wks but he highly doubts I would get anything like 3mths. If I did I would be an extremely lucky girl. I replied “well I am an extremely lucky girl so see you in 3mths”. Then i hung up and sobbed at the reality of it all.

I am now starting to suffer more and feel more tired each day. Ever since the CT scan to be honest so you gotta wonder if the radiation has triggered more growth. The good news is that I should’nt die in too much pain. The liver will slowly shut down, I will get more and more tired until I eventually ‘fall asleep’. The tumors in my back however are causing me alot of pain and Im hoping some radiation soon will get that under control. Im now feeling pain in my knees too and in general just much weaker. I pray I dont end up in a wheel chair for our vows renewal but I guess thats better than not being there at all. We have brought it forward from our actual 10yr anniversary on the 2nd March to a smaller ceremony at mum and dads on New Years Day. So excited. But only 3 weeks to plan!!

Instead of exchanging vows we will be celebrating a love and a life I am incredibly grateful to be able to say I have had with my amazing husband. And of course my gorgeous boy Jackson. I will die feeling like the luckiest woman in the world. =)

x