Time to stop chemo…11/8/11
Firstly, forgive me if any of this doesn’t make sense, im a little bit doped up on morphine.
I made a decision a few days ago to discontinue my chemo treatment. It doesnt seem to be doing me any good. My results of late have shown new tumors so its obviously not working. Today at the hospital they too said it was time to stop the Capesidabine (before I got the chance to tell them Ive already decided to stop). They then suggested a new type of chemo we could try but I politely declined and told them Id already decided to stop altogether. They were surprisingly supportive but I think they thought I was just going to take a wee break. I didn’t tell them my real plans, not much point.
I once thought the Capesidabine was my new found hope, as I could be on it forever just about, keeping things stable as long as it was working. But it didn’t want to work for me. Not past 3 cycles of it anyway.
This decision came with a surprising feeling of freedom and hope rather than despair or fear. I no longer feel like I have no control, or tied to doing whatever Im told I should do by ‘the system’. Now its all in my hands and rather than having feelings of panic I feel excited – for a reason.
In the background throughout these past 16 mths I have been doing research into what other things are out there that may help me. Most of it is too basic and focus’s on what you can eat to keep your blood alkaline (which cancer hates), or taking lots of Vit C, or D or the B’s. Of course there is the suggestion of eating super healthy and curing yourself that way. Maybe all these things would/will buy me more time which is great and most of them I have been doing on top of my chemotherapy, but none of these suggestions made me believe they could send me into remission, especially seeing as apparently its impossible to go into remission with my condition according to the experts. Once in the liver you are a gonner.
Well I think they are wrong. I have always believed that they don’t know me, so they cant tell me when Im going to die. I plan to fight, then fight some more. Im not going to just sit here and say well chemo is done so lets start counting down the days. According to them my time will probably be up around February. WHAT-EV-ER!!!! There is more to fighting cancer than chemo. There is spirit, there is positive thinking, there is attitude, there is hope and there is belief! And to add to all that coming from me, there is now GcMAF!!
You can google and learn all about GcMAF (its produced overseas) That’s what I did after 3 separate suggestions from people I respect to check it out. I then spoke to an advocate for it in NZ who is battling cancer himself and is currently on the treatment, and getting great results.
They tell me with this drug there is a possibility for me to go into remission. And I believe them too!
What do I have to lose? The side effects are minimal if any and it is offering the greatest hope of any other treatment so far – and it doesn’t kill all my good cells while its working. Unlike chemo, it will make me feel better rather than worse.
The basic idea behind it is that it will help boost my immune system back into action to do the job of fighting this cancer and killing cancer cells. As we know the immune system is capable of doing this but something happens that stops it functioning properly – this something can be stress, diet, environment, genes or any given number of things.
Telling someone you really care about that you have decided to stop chemo is not that easy. Immediately they think the big fight is over and probably presume we now just hope for the best. But after I explained to Mum and Dad and family about what I plan to do, I think their minds and hearts are more at ease.
Greg has been amazing as always through this process. When it comes to anything alternative Greg has been my biggest skeptic. Thats just the way he is made. So to hear him be excited about the treatment too just confirms what I already feel – that this is the right move. He still hasnt done the reading on GcMAF yet so he doesnt actually completely know exactly what Im about to start taking but he has been busy looking after me and Jackson and working too. Im sure he will read it soon, aye Greg? – I am starting next week! 
Maybe this treatment will buy me 2 mths, maybe it will buy me 5 years, maybe it will buy me a lifetime – to see Jackson grow into a man would be a dream I never thought could ever possibly become a reality again. Maybe I will get to grow old with the love of my life. Maybe I will be that acception to the rule I have felt in my guts I was destined to be from the beginning. But maybe I wont. Like all things I try, Im just going to stay positive, believe in the treatment Im taking and hope, wish and pray for the best. For remission. Like Ive said, I have nothing to lose. You will never see my hands in the air… unless Im playing airplanes with Jackson.
This treatment is going to cost me $1030 for an 8 week course – one injection per week. Its possible I will only need 8 weeks worth. It more likely I will need more than this. For metastisies like mine, I could need anything up to a year’s worth to see a full recovery (costing $6180). If you would like to help us pay for these treatments it would be humbly and gratefully received. You can make a donation by clicking on the donation button on the right via Paypal or depositing directly into our bank acct: Natalie & Greg Murphy 02-0238-0116716-97
Thank you in advance. We can never truly thank everyone enough.
Please feel free to send me lots of positive vibes, prayers and belief that this treatment will help me.
Thank you for all your continual, mind blowing support.
All my love
Nat xx
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